I hired drivers to take me from Delhi to Fatehpur Sikri, Agra and Jaipur. The casual conversations started out as usual between strangers in India, with inquiries on my marital status. Being unmarried (and unengaged) at my age is considered unusual and led to follow up questions on girlfriends. I confess to being vaguely untruthful, simply because it seemed to be the most expedient way to keep the conversation going on these car trips, with these drivers.
Friendship
Someone I know told me about a women he met in college. They would walk to classes together, talking. She always seemed to know just the right thing to say, words of understanding, encouragement. Concerns were expressed to his father, who defended his son, expressing complete confidence in the appropriateness of his conduct and intentions. My friend has not seen or spoken with the young woman since he graduated.
Romance
The fields on either side of the road to Agra were lush with the delicate yellow blooms of mustard plants. My driver pointed to a young well-dressed woman standing in a field, surrounded by the flowers, and a young man taking her photograph. "Romantic" we both said, and laughed.
Engagement
Parents try their best to find suitable matches for their children. Wikipedia provides the following list of factors they are most likely to consider:
- Values and personal expectations: should match
- Age and height: girl should generally be younger and shorter
- Looks: should be acceptable to the other
- Religion: should be same, preferably same sect
- Mother tongue, caste: should be preferably same
- Diet (veg/non-veg/alcohol/smoking): may differ only if acceptable to the other
- Education: comparable educational levels or the boy should be more educated than the girl
- Profession: the profession should be acceptable to the other
- Financial: The boy's current and future financial situation should be acceptable to the girl.
- Astrological signs/attributes: should be compatible, if the two families believe in it.
From what I can tell, many young people have opportunities to meet their prospective matches prior to engagement, and may have a veto, at least in theory.
Engagements can last a few years, typically to allow the man to become more established in his career. It may be possible for both men and women to delay marriage by pursuing graduate studies, or a professional degree.
Weddings
These photos and video are from a lavish wedding that took place on the front lawn of the Taj Jai Mahal hotel in Jaipur. Along with a number of other westerners staying at the hotel, I formed part of the uninvited paparazzi for the event.
December is a popular month for weddings, as the climate has cooled somewhat, and the monsoons are usually finished. Hindu priests or astrologers may be consulted to determine an auspicious day and time for the ceremony. Weddings in north India usually take place in the evening. In south India, the reception may happen in the evening, but the ceremony is usually early in the morning, like at 6:00 AM. It has the advantage of being the coolest part of the day.
The venue was large, with several pavilions. 500 guests is not unusual. Some weddings have been known to have as many 2000 guests.
The groom arrived in an open car, a band accenting the grand entrance. The car is an update to the tradition of the groom arriving on a horse. "So that he can escape," remarked one of my drivers sardonically.
The bride and groom were seated with their families for a session with the photographer.
Fireworks marked the occasion.
Married life
Many Canadians might wonder what life would be like in an arranged marriage. There are many ways of looking at this, but one perspective is the experience of the children. I've met many people who describe a happy home life with their parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. Many young adults need to move away from home for work, and a number of them have told me how much they miss their families, and how much they enjoy visits home.
I'm not endorsing arranged marriage, something I could never accept personally in my own life, but I am trying to appreciate some of the complexity, both positive and negative, that comes with the institution.
Married life among royalty
In the Mughal empire, polygamy was common among royalty. The Amber Fort just outside of Jaipur was also a palace for the local ruler and his twelve wives.
This part of the palace complex includes a central courtyard where wives and children would spend their days.
In the evenings, each wife would retire to her own apartment, adjoining the courtyard. Each apartment had a separate staircase to a hall leading to the king's quarters. Wives would wait; the king would decide which staircase he would descend.
Til death to us part
The Taj Mahal is perhaps one of the world's best known monuments to love. The Mughal emperor Shah Jahan built it as a mausoleum for his third, and most beloved wife Mumtaz Mahal. She died in 1631, during the birth of their fourteenth child. Shah Jahan began construction of the Taj Mahal in 1632, completing the main building in 1648 and surrounding buildings in the following five years.
The site is on the banks of the Yamuna river, in the city of Agra. One may visit the Taj Mahal as a day trip from Delhi, but that means seeing it in the afternoon, when the crowds peak. Sunrise and sunset are also popular times for visits, but sunrise in December can be foggy, obscuring the view. My guide advised me to sleep in, and I saw it on a Tuesday morning at 9:00 AM. The sun was bright, the sky was clear and the site uncrowded.
The central monument is constructed of white marble, and surrounded by fountains, gardens and other buildings.
The mausoleum is symmetrical on four sides. It's four main minarets lean slightly out from centre, so that in case of an earthquake, they would collapse outward, rather than on the mausoleum.
Smaller minarets are richly decorated.
The entrances to the mausoleum are decorated with verses from the Koran, such as: "O Soul, thou art at rest. Return to the Lord at peace with Him, and He at peace with you."
Much of the Taj Mahal is adorned with bas reliefs, and inlaid with semi-precious stones such as cornelian (orange), malachite (dark green) and black onyx.
It's a cliché, but I couldn't help myself. Some people next to me saw what I was doing and asked my guide to take the same picture for them.
Centuries after its completion, the Taj Mahal is still a source of inspiration for those hoping to experience something of what Shah Jahan felt for Mumtaz Mahal.
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